The Divorce Question

Grace is forward-looking

If there is one place in the realm of practical Christianity where we need to keep in mind that we are no longer under law but under grace - it’s the question of divorce.

The precious thing about grace is that it is forward-looking. You may have blown it in the past, but God’s graces are new every morning. 

Those who believe in Christ do not come under judgment. (JOH 5:24)

There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (ROM 8:1)

Forgetting what lies behind, we reach forward to what lies ahead, pressing on toward the goal for the prize of  the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (PHI 3:13-14)

But do you want to know something sad?  If there is one subject that brings out our legalistic tendencies more than perhaps any other, it is also the subject of divorce.

Everybody wants to know the rules.

What are the rules about when I can divorce and remarry?

Didn’t she break the rules when she married that guy? After all, she is a divorced woman.

They will be living in sin for the rest of their lives.

And so forth.

The Christian life is a life of always moving forward. It is a life where today we seek to hear the voice of the Lord and be obedient to what He tells us.

There is very little looking back in the New Testament letters.

Yes you failed in the past in this area, but the Lord is not asking you to dwell on that  and He is not going to punish you for it.

He is asking you to take a look at your life today and seek out His will for your life now.

Forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, we press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

 

We are not under the Law

Your sins and iniquities God remembers no more. (HEB 10:17)

That statement presupposes that we have sins and iniquities  - let’s say in the area of marriage and divorce - that would have been remembered and dealt with under the commandments and punishments of the law.

But we are not under the Law.

ROM 6:14
For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace.

 

 

God’s standard of righteousness has not changed, but His means for bringing it about HAS changed.

All that said, the fact remains that God’s standards, God’s principles, God’s righteousness - God’s wishes for His children, our attitudes and behaviors, have not changed.

For one thing, God hates divorce.

MAL 2:15-16
Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. 16 "For I hate divorce," says the Lord, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the Lord of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

God hates divorce.  He does not hate the divorced!  He hates the situation of divorce.

He always has, and He always will.

He is into unity, not breakup.

Satan is the one who is into ripping things apart.  But not God. God desires the marriage to stay together.

What God has joined, let no man separate.

That hasn’t changed.

But God’s MEANS for accomplishing what He is after in the human race, with His children, that HAS changed.

The law   - read about it in Romans 7 - could not do it, weak as it was in the flesh.

The law aggravated the problem of human sin and failure.   It could require things, but could not produce those things.

The law required righteousness, but could do nothing to produce righteousness.

The law could never give life.

God can - and does.

So God took care of it, finally, by sending His Son in the likeness of human flesh.

ROM 8:1-4
1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3 For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

 

The Law required penalties for disobedience

The Law kills. The flesh accomplishes nothing.  It is the Spirit who gives life.

Now the Law prohibited adultery.

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

And the Law set the penalty for adultery.

That penalty was death. (LEV 20:10)

And Jesus told the Pharisees and also His disciples that any man who divorces his wife  makes her commit adultery. (MAT 5:31-32)

And Jesus told His disciples that any man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (MAT 19:9)

And the Law prohibited adultery.

And the penalty for adultery -was death.

But here’s the deal.

The penalty was also death for a lot of other sins, under the Law.

 (to see for yourself, read EXO 21:12-29, EXO 31:14-15, LEV 20:9-27, LEV 24:16, and DEU 13:5)

A child who cursed his parents was to be put to death.

A man who had sex with another man was to be put to death.

Anyone who struck their father or mother was to be put to death.

Anyone guilty of kidnapping was to be put to death.

If an owner of an ox has been warned about the goring habit of his animal, and that animal gored someone to death, the owner was to be put to death.

Anyone who profaned the Sabbath was to be put to death.

Anyone who did any work on the Sabbath was to be put to death.

Mediums and spiritists were to be put to death.

Anyone who blasphemed the name of the Lord was to be put to death.

Anyone who worshipped another god besides Yahweh was to be put to death.

A disobedient son who was stubborn and rebellious, or who was a drunkard and a glutton, was to be put to death.

Anyone who murdered another human being was to be put to death.

A non-Levite who came near the Tabernacle was to be put to death.

Oh and by the way, the penalty for being a false prophet?  Also death.

 

Aren’t you glad you aren’t under the Law?

Yet it is an amazing thing!

Jesus met a woman who was caught in adultery.  He issued no punishment for her, but told her He didn’t condemn her. He asked her to do her best to sin no more like that. (JOH 8:1-11)      FROM NOW ON…. GRACE!

And Jesus also told His disciples that any man who looks at a woman with lust in his heart commits adultery against her. (MAT 5:27-28)

And the penalty for adultery under the Law - was death.

Aren’t you glad you aren’t under the Law?

And since you are glad, why would you be so foolish as to try to put your brother or sister in Christ under that Law???

GAL 4:4-7
4 But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, 5 so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. 6 Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, " Abba! Father!" 7 Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God.

In the gospels, Jesus said everything He said about marriage and divorce to Jews who were under the Law.

He spoke before He went to the cross and paid for the sins of the world.

He spoke these things before sin itself was condemned while He hung on that cross.

Before He uttered the words , “It is finished!”.

Before the veil of the Temple was torn in two.

GAL 5:18
But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law.

 

God the Father is interested in one thing in our lives  - the glorification of His Son Jesus Christ

Now God still hates divorce, but He is dealing with the problem in a whole new way when it comes to His children who are in Christ and under grace not Law.

It’s a forgetting what lies behind, reaching to what lies ahead kind of way.

It’s the governing power of the Spirit kind of way.

God our Father enters our lives as Christians every day, and He is no longer interested in tallying up our successes and failures and dispensing penalties and blessings accordingly.

Now He is only interested in one thing - that His Son our Lord Jesus Christ might be glorified today.

He looks at our torn and tattered lives and asks, how might this be better when they let My Son in?

What if FROM NOW ON they started loving each other the same way that My Son Jesus Christ has loved them?

What if, starting today, the husband really did use My power to start loving His wife sacrificially?

What if, starting today, this wife really did use My power to start giving respect to her husband?

I wonder how this marriage would change for the better?

Forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead…

So they can press on, freed of the burden of their past, press on toward the goal  for the prize of My upward call in My Son Christ Jesus!

 

The one place in the Bible that deals with the subject of divorce for Christians

And so it is in that light that we now look at the one and only place in the Bible that deals with the subject of divorce for Christians.

It’s in the  New Testament letters, and this time we go to 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

And each Christian, man or woman, ought to come humbly to 1 Corinthians 7. 

Come humbly, realizing like the Jews in the desert that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, …

and that we all must be like that publican and cry out, Lord have mercy on me the sinner.

We start there.

We cannot dare approach the Lord with a spirit of wanting to justify ourselves.

But nor can we approach the Lord with the fear that He is about to condemn us.

Either of those approaches is insulting to the Lord and betrays a lack of understanding about what happened at the cross - and what His grace is really all about.

We simply approach chapter 7 with a simple question in our hearts:

What would you have me to do Lord?

And the answer depends on what our present state of life is with regard to marriage.

Realizing that we might fail again…

Realizing how weak we are…

And that without Him we can do nothing…

Yet we go in good faith, desiring to do His will.

If only we can live in the strength of His might!

Because we also know that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

What would you have me to do, Lord, in the area of marriage?

If only we can keep our eyes on Jesus this time around…

If only we can just be silent and know that He is God…

Be stouthearted and wait for the Lord and get those eagle’s wings.

If only we can be simple like a child in our single minded devotion to Christ-

Why then from this moment on things CAN be different!

That’s grace.

 

The Lord’s instructions  for Christians in the matter of beginning and ending marriages

With that approach, then, what does the Lord tell us about His desire, His heartbeat, His will for us from this moment on in the area of marriage?

Let me suggest to you that the Lord, working through Paul in chapter 7, addresses the following life situations:

1. The unmarried and widow
    
2. The married in the Lord (Christian couple)
    
3. A Christian married to an unbeliever

Now these three categories are meant to cover everybody.

Everybody who is dealing in any way with the marriage or divorce question is in one and only one of these three categories.

And these are “from now on” categories.

There is nothing in 1 Corinthians 7 about what you used to be, what you were at one time in the past.

What is in question is what your status is now, and what the Lord would have you to do given you are in that status now.

Let me show you the passage, but first take a moment to identify which of the three categories you are in today:

1. The unmarried and widow
    
2. The married in the Lord (Christian couple)
    
3. A Christian married to an unbeliever

 

1) Here is the will of the Lord for the unmarried Christian and the Christian who is a widow:

1CO 7:8-9
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Stay single if possible; if not, then you are permitted to marry.  He will say later on that you should marry a Christian.

 

2)  Here is the will of the Lord for Christian husband and wife, married in the Lord:

1CO 7:10-11
10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

 

3)  And here is the will of the Lord for the Christian who is married to an unbeliever:

1CO 7:12-17
12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

17 Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk.

The main principle  - and this applies beyond the question of marriage - is that we are to remain in the status we find ourselves in.

Now, to be sure, the one that is the most controversial is the middle one - the Lord’s instructions to married Christian couples.

1CO 7:10-11
10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

But this really shouldn’t be a surprise!  After all, we have already seen how the Lord pours His love into Christian marriages to keep them healthy and strong. (Ephesians 5) 

This is the same Lord who pronounced all the way back in the book of Genesis

GEN 2:24
24  For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

The same Lord who declared in Malachi that He hates divorce.

The same Lord who, when He walked this earth and preached, had this to say about the sanctity of marriage:

MAT 19:4-6
And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE,  5 and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'?  6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

1CO 7:10-11
10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

The Lord’s instructions to Christian married couples are disarmingly simple:

• The wife should not leave her husband.
   
• If she finds that she must leave him, she must either remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband in the future.
   
• The husband should not divorce his wife.

 

Don’t become a legalist!

If you fail in this area and come back to the Lord in 10 years and want to know what His will is for you in your marriage, guess what?

It will be the exact same thing.

The wife should not leave her husband.

The husband should not divorce his wife.

Will Christian wives leave their husbands? Yes they will.  Will some leave their husbands and remarry? Yes they will.

Will Christian husbands divorce their wives? Yes, unfortunately.

Will other Christians lie, or gossip, or cheat in business, or get angry?  Yes they will.

Does that mean that the Lord is either (a) going to change His will for them, or (b) condemn them?  No, and no.

It means that Christians still sin, and their sins are forgiven.  And it means we are to forget what lies behind and we are to reach forward to what lies ahead.

What we don’t do is become little legalists with God and try to find some “out” in the Scriptures to rationalize why what we did that was clearly sinful is somehow not sinful.

Unfortunately, some Christians have this idea that they have the right to justify themselves, and explain why it is that they have no sin in the area of marriage and divorce!

1JO 1:8
8 If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.

We have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God!  Especially in the areas of sex and marriage.

But I think I know why a lot of divorced and remarried Christians try to deal with it this way.

It is because of a legalism of a far more dangerous kind. 

For far too long, too many elements in the church have tried to administer a kind of death penalty to Christians who divorce and remarry.

They somehow think that we are still under the Law, and, beyond that, that it is their duty to enforce that law.  We aren’t, and it surely is not!

When a modern Pharisee deals with you in a very harsh, legalistic manner, your tendency will be to fight fire with fire, and find some legal way out of this harsh treatment.

Harsh treatment like denying communion.  Forcing people to resign from their posts in the church or in Christian institutions.  Taking away one’s membership in the church

They do this to  divorced and remarried men and women alike,…

… but somehow fail to respond similarly to the men who look at a woman with lust for her in their heart.  The ones who get angry with their brother. The children who curse their parents. The hypocrites.  The vow makers. The liars. The unrepentant heavy drinkers.  The single men who play the field. The covetous. The greedy.   (see Matthew chapters 5 through 7 along with 1CO 5:10-13)

Not to mention the false teachers, like the ones who place heavy yokes upon the necks of sisters and brothers, yokes that they themselves have been unable to bear (ACT 15:10).

 

There are no penalties specified for Christians who fail in marriage

You see, there is something else remarkable about 1 Corinthians chapter 7. 

There are exhortations  for how the Lord expects us to live when it comes to marriage.

But there are no penalties given for falling short!

Nothing about death.

Nothing even about being stripped of your job or title. 

Nothing about not being able to receive communion.

Nothing about being labeled as living in sin.

Nothing about being taken off the membership roles.

And why not?

Because we are under grace, not law!!!!!

And it is those who are under grace who will not be mastered by sin.

And so the heartbeat of the congregation, the heartbeat of the entire church,  toward those brothers and sisters in Christ  who have failed in this or any area should be what is found in Galatians: 

GAL 6:1-3
6:1   Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. 2  Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

So, to sum up, then:

1. Do your best to be obedient to whichever of the Lord’s commands in 1 Corinthians 7 applies to you in your present status in life.
    
2. Remind yourself that you are under grace, not law.
    
3. Forget what lies behind, and reach forward to what lies ahead for you in Christ.

 

Until the next time, we’re all ….

In His grip,

Pastor John

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